Letdown

I found out last week that I didn't make it into the semifinal round of the Nicholl Fellowship competition. They narrowed everyone down by half and I didn't make the cut.

This was a huge blow to me. Every time I prayed about the contest, I felt really good. I felt like something would come of entering it. Then, my imagination got away with me. Does anyone else do that? I realized that I have a very bad habit of doing that. I'll pray for something, feel good about it and then make a huge leap into assuming what I wish will happen EXACTLY that way. I assumed that because I felt so good about the contest, that I would breeze through the next round only to either win the whole thing or sell my screenplay as a result of being a finalist. When I saw the rejection email, my first thought was, "This is going to really hurt when this sinks in."

I was devastated. It honestly took me a few days for reality to set in. Once it did, it promptly ripped my dreams into ragged shreds. To finish my screenplay and enter this competition were my main goals for over a year. To find out it was over was not only depressing but frightening. What was I supposed to do now?

After a blessing and good talk with John (you're getting really good at those by the way, my man!), I was able to take a different perspective. If I had known a year ago (as I wrote my screenplay) that this screenplay would not only get me in the top 5% of this contest but my name would also be on a list put out by The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, I think I would have peed my pants (and lost control of all other bodily functions, too). I did make the first round, so my name and contact information will be on "The List", meaning I could be contacted by any number of agents, producers or development companies. Who knows, something could still come of that. I'm not a failure in any sense of the word, no matter how much that nasty little voice in my head tries to convince me.

After getting that change of attitude, I realized that I wanted to enter the contest again next year. You can enter up to 3 scripts, and if I can get my butt into gear, I'll have a third one to submit by next year's deadline. There have been several people who submitted the same screenplay years in a row, only to win after the fourth or fifth year. Getting on "The List" is a huge deal and how can a girl living in Signal Mountain, TN do any better? It's worth a shot. Or two, or three, or a dozen. Whatever it takes, right?

Thanks for all of your support and kind words!