Rigid Rex and Rainy Days

Tuesday was my visit to what my dad likes to call, "Rigid Rex." That is, I had a colonoscopy. Originally, I had all these funny little things to share about it. Then I realized, it might scare people from getting one, so I'll just keep it to myself. It's been a hard, long week, but luckily I've been able to have a sense of humor about it . . . most of the time. I really think that Heavenly Father gave me such a crazy (and dirty) sense of humor so I could deal with my embarrassing poop problems. It's come in handy a lot this week!


Okay, I know I just said I wasn't going to share details, but this is actually sweet. The day before I had to be on a liquid diet. When I don't eat, it messes my system up . . . I can't fast for that reason. So, by the afternoon, I was exhausted and really grouchy. I came downstairs to find this basket. I saw baby powder in there, so I thought it was a present for a baby shower. Then I realized that we don't know anyone having a shower any time soon. Then I saw the Jell-O and realized it was for me. My mom packed me a little "colonoscopy" survival kit. It had baby powder and lotion, boxes of Jell-O, butt wipes, cushy TP and my favorite, crazy straws (for the two liters of laxative I had to drink that night). Getting that basket was just a combination of care and hilarity to cheer me up. Later, my mom approached me and handed me a bottle of air freshener.


"This didn't fit in your basket. By the way, you can't flush more than one of those wipes at a time."


That's my mom alright. It is her house after all . . . thanks, Mom!


Okay, as far as results from the test . . . my colon was clear, no polyps, no nothing. But, my doctor tells me I have a "tortuous colon." And my intelligent, college educated, English degree-ed (with honors!) response?


"So that means, it's like, bendy?"

Doc: "Yes. It's tortuous."


Um-hmm. Well, basically it means it's extra long and twisted funny. That's the cause of some of my problems. I had several biopsies taken just to be sure, but I won't find out the results until this week.

On to more fun things . . . cards! Here's the bridal shower invitation I did this week.

I had this copied at a print place that I've used for years, but I was a little disappointed in them this time. For whatever reason, the woman changed the colors on me. It kind of ruined it, but oh well. It doesn't look horrible, but I'm not happy with the final result.

I've got to point out that yes, Glossy Accents struck again. I used it to make the little clear raindrops. Yes, I put raindrops on every single invite! It's all in the details . . . except, yes, I realize there is a typo! I put this together the afternoon after my colonoscopy so I blame the anesthetic!

Ghetto Leprechaun

You have got to check this YouTube video . . . it's hilarious!

Jack Black on "Yo Gabba Gabba"!

So, if you read this before, you know that I love "Yo Gabba Gabba." It is the creepiest, funniest, trippiest, danciest kids's show ever. I watch a lot of kid's TV, so when there's actually a show that's halfway entertaining, I'm on board.

As if this show couldn't get any better, Jack Black is going to guest star in an episode airing April 3rd! Get a preview of Jack's "Dancey Dance" here. They've had "celebrities" on the show before (Laila Ali and Elijah Wood), but nothing like this. The producers behind this show are brilliant. Having a star like Jack Black on will excite the two demographics that watch this show: bored stay-at-home moms (that would be me) and dorm room potheads. Oh yeah, and the kids too!

And finally, they've come out with DJ Lance gear! Check out the commercial here. Mother's Day is coming up, John. Hint, hint . . . just kidding. Really. If I get a Magic Dance hat for Mother's Day I'll have to skippy-skip-skip all over your face!

Check my blog out later this week for a really cute bridal shower invitation I'm working on!

Geek Chic

I have been wearing glasses since I was seven. I still remember the day I found out I had to wear them . . . my teacher had written a note on my spelling test that I needed to be tested because I was squinting at the board. I literally cried when I found out I had to wear glasses. I was afraid of looking like a dork (a reasonable fear). I guess I've always been vain . . .


But now, I've accepted I'm totally blind (-4.50 prescription . . . I used to be -5.50!) and that glasses are a part of life. It's always been a little dream of mine to have a few different pairs of glasses to mix and match with outfits. Well, Eyeglass World had a two for $78 deal that I couldn't pass up. Luckily, my prescription was the same and I got to keep my old green pair, too. I've had those glasses for about 3 years, but I still really like them. So here is my new spec wardrobe:

These are my good ol' green ones.

LOVE these red ones. I've been wanting red ones forever . . . but only now did I find the right red for my skin tone. Like my Tyra Banks' "smiling with my eyes" pose?

And some hot pink metallic ones. These are my favorites. It's kind of a throwback to my first pair of glasses. I picked out a pink pair, because, duh, I was seven. I got home and looked at myself in them and I looked HORRIBLE. I had to wear them for two years before a got a new pair. So, a lesson to you moms out there, if you have a seven-year-old that needs glasses, DO NOT LET THEM PICK THEM OUT! They don't know any better! Anyway, these glasses are kind of my redemption from that horrible first pair. Although, it makes me laugh because this ten-year-old girl in Primary has a pair of frames the same color! Maybe that should tell me something . . . sorry if you can't see the frames that great. John, the "faux-tographer" (as I like to tease him) took the pictures, so blame him! Ha ha ha . . .



Well, I'm finally going to get a colonoscopy on Tuesday. I should've had this done a long time ago. It's just a diagnostic thing. They want to make sure I don't have a bigger problem than the IBS. Part of me wants them to find something that can be fixed, but then another part of me wants, obviously, for them to find nothing. Just think about me for the next couple of days! Especially tomorrow night when the life is running out of me when I drink 32 ounces of liquid laxative . . . actually, don't think about me doing that!

Pay It Forward Part 4: Laura

Last but not least is the card I made for Laura. I knew for sure, that I wanted to do a vibrant, cheerful card that reflected her personality. I found the "sprinkles" paper and decided to do a cupcake card. I regret that a little bit, because it kind of looks like a birthday card. But cupcakes are always cute, so whatever.

The cupcake is made from "scratch." I'm very proud . . . I cut the shape out myself instead of using a premade sticker or whatever. I shaded the "frosting" with some liquid chalk and went over it in (what else?) Glossy Accents. I also used Glossy Accents on the cupcake "liner."

The "L" was originally white with 4 holes (where the rhinestones are now). I painted it blue and then covered it in blue glitter. Finally, I glued rhinestones in the holes. I glued the cupcake to the paper using foam tape, to make it "3D." Finally, I outlined the cupcake with an embossing pen. I sprinkled glitter embossing powder and zapped it.

The sprinkle print paper was just plain, so I decided to decorate that, too. I added Glossy Accents and various colors of glitter to the sprinkles so they would pop too. By the way, I never, NEVER use loose glitter on anything. Why? Because it's LOOSE! No amount of glue or paint or anything will keep glitter in its place. It rubs off on everything. . So, I use either glitter glue or glitter embossing powder (which melts together). Just a little tip . . .

Anyway, I realized when I was done that the card was looking too much like a birthday card. So I stamped "You're Sweet" on the inside. Purty cute, right? Laura did a nice little post about the card on her blog.

I really enjoyed this little experiment. I don't have a lot of time to to scrapping or cardmaking, so I'm glad I got a little push to do some. It made me really happy and made me realize how fun it is. And, it reunited me with an old friend . . .

Yes, it's Mr. Tombo. I used to ONLY use Tombo adhesive when I lived in Savannah. I lived two minutes from the scrapbook store (those were the days!) so I could pick it up all the time. When we moved back here, I could only find it at Michael's and Hobby Lobby, both of which are a 35 minute drive. And mainly, the stuff is expensive. Well, I bought some a couple of weeks ago at Hobby Lobby because I had a gift card. And oh, man . . . I will never use another adhesive again! I've been using Walmart brand and Scotch. I don't know how I did that! The stuff always sticks to itself and rips . . . but not Tombo. So if you're interested in craft stuff don't use anything other than Tombo. Yes, it's twice as much as generic, but it's sooo worth it!

Pay It Forward Part 3: Tina

The second person to comment was my friend Tina. We've known each other since we were five and we share a sick sense of humor. We just seem to bring it out in each other. So I knew right away that I wanted to do something to make her laugh.

I was going through some of my old cards to get ideas and I found this quote: "A good friend is like a good bra: supportive, close to your heart and hard to find." I've tried to make a card with this quote a bunch of times, but it never worked. I tried to make a card that "unclasped" like a bra . . . you know, using hook and eyes. It didn't work, which was really disappointing. Luckily, I had the idea to look on the internet for vintage bra ads. I'm obsessed with anything vintage, especially the really kitschy stuff. I googled "50s brassiere ads" (on John's computer, no less--hee!) and I found some of the most hilarious stuff. I finally found this one and printed it off on cardstock.

As you can see, most of the work I did was on the bra. I painted the bra with pink acrylic paint. When that was dry, I put some glitter glue on. When that was dry, I put a product called Glossy Accents on. It's a clear gel that dries hard and clear. It is my #1 favorite craft product, period. For those who've seen most of my pages or cards, you know I'm addicted to the stuff. I use it on everything. It just makes everything look so polished and there's a million ways to use it. I used it on this card to give the bra some extra definition and shine. Finally, when the gel was set, I added a couple of rhinestones. I inked the edges in blue (I love that 50s combo of robin's egg blue and bubblegum pink) and, done. I printed the quote off on pink polka-dot paper in a very 50s diner sort of font.

I really love this card, but now, I kind of wish I had embellished it more. I wanted to keep the focus on the bra, so I kept it simple. Oh, well. Tina liked it. Here's what she said:

"I got your card today. LOVE IT! I caught Brian staring at is for like ten minutes. JK he hasn't even seen it yet. HA! Anyway thank you for the wondrous
card. Many thanks again."

She is so freakin' funny.

Come back in a couple of days when I post my final "Pay It Forward" project . . . the "yummiest" of all.

Pay it Forward Part 2: Katie

I'm back to report on how our little "Pay it Forward" experiment is going. I went ahead and made all my cards last week. I knew if I didn't do it right away, I would never do it. So, this week I'm going to put up posts about each card.

It was a lot of fun to make cards again. I don't do it nearly as much as I used to. Writing, church callings and the little man (of course) suck up all of my time these days. It was fun to make personalized cards for three ladies I love (wow, that came out sounding a lot gayer than I intended . . . ). I enjoy thinking about what I like most about the person and trying to re-create it. These three cards are definitely good examples of that.

The first one to comment was my Katie. This card was actually the last one I made. To tell you the truth, I was a little intimidated about this one. Katie has such a great sense of style and I knew right away, I wanted to make her an elegant card with just a touch of glam. Problem is, I don't think I'm that great at making "pretty" cards. My style is pretty quirky and weird, so I was nervous about trying to make something simple yet elegant. But, I was very happy with what I came up with:

This is the simplest card I made, but there was a lot of work in the details. I definitely thought about this one the most. This was the first time I used this flowery bracket stamp . . . and I love it. I heat embossed the image with pink on brown paper. Then I added the green "k" (which is by KI Memories). And finally, the bling . . . rhinestones. If you've looked at any of my scrapbook pages or cards lately, you must have noticed that I have a rhinestone addiction. But I think they look classy and cute on this card, not tacky. I put two on the "k" and, when you look closely, I put a bunch of tiny ones on the embossed flowers.

It's not noticeable right away, but they make the card shine a little. Finally, I rounded the corners, inked the edges, and done. Oh, I also put a little flower with a rhinestone center on the inside. And, since Katie asked for money, and tossed in a $1. I'm generous like that.

Here's what Katie said (hope she doesn't mind me repeating it!):

"Thanks for the card and the money. I haven't decided what I'm going to buy yet, but I know it's going to be BIG! The card is REALLY cute! Love it."

Thanks to all the girls for letting me know the cards got there okay! Tune in for my next post where I share the most, er, "revealing" card!

Rant Time!

Have you ever seen or read something that totally disturbed you and you can't get it out of your head? I just started reading the novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West the other day. As most of you know, there's a popular Broadway musical based on this book. I figured it would be some light fantasy reading . . . a good follow-up to my dense fantasical fave, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell (Hollywood, call me! I want to write the screenplay! Anthony Hopkins and Paul Bettany, call me! I want you to star!). I read the Prologue and right away I did not like this dude's prose style. It was really over the top, stuffed with adjectives . . . it screamed insecurity and pompousness . . . a really bad, yet common cocktail in modern literature (if you can call it that). Then I read the first two chapters. I almost chucked the book across the room. I cannot remember reading anything so perverted in all my life. There may have been a few runner-ups from college, but holy cow. It takes a lot to offend me, and boy howdy. I'm not going to repeat what it was, so you don't have to think about it either. I've been struggling all day today to scrub my brain.

What is wrong with people? Why on earth would you think that, much less write that, even less publish that? As a writer, you think about every single detail in your stories over and over again. All I can figure is that Gregory Maguire is a pedophile, or wants to be. Gross, gross, gross. How did this book ever get popular? I just feel like I need to take a million showers right now. Spiritual showers!!! It just makes me more grateful for the few books (written for adults) that are intelligent, entertaining well-written . . . and clean. Thanks, Susanna Clarke!

Slumdog Millionaire looked like a good, uplifting movie. So why did they have to make it R? I know why it's R . . . there are several scenes of torture on children. Why do you have to show that? You can drive the point home without resorting to sensationalism. Just the idea is enough . . . You don't have to show it being done. In movies, you don't have to show violence or sex . . . we can get the point with simple hints. I know why they did that in that movie, though. They thought if they made it PG-13, that it wouldn't be taken seriously by the Academy. Which, they were right . . . and that's why they won the Oscar and The Dark Knight wasn't even nominated. STUPID!

Enough kvetching. Today was a good day otherwise. Charlie has a bunch of molars coming in and he's going crazy. He hasn't slept well for the past week. Today, he took a three hour nap, so I was overjoyed. Too bad he's still acting like a rabid monkey. He's not Charlie anymore, he's Damian. Paging Father Merrick . . . Anyway, I'm counting my blessings that he took a normal nap. Enjoy it while I can . . . today I went to a consignment sale. It's a big one they do up here on the mountain twice a year. People line up an hour in advace, yada yada. I was very excited because I got a jogging stroller for $25! It's an old, fugly one. But, it'll work for us. Tomorrow is supposed to be warm, so I'm excited to get going.