More on Doug

Doug's funeral will be this Tuesday in Yuma, AZ. I feel terrible that I can't be there. We just can't afford the plane ticket, plus I've been really sick lately and I don't think I could make the trip anyway. That still doesn't make it feel any better. I wish I could be there with John to hold his hand. It's so hard to watch the people you love suffer so much.

On Friday, I was struggling so much with my feelings of sadness. I was caught off guard by how much this hurt. After all, Doug was John's brother. But it doesn't feel that way. He was my family too. I miss him. Holidays and family get-togethers will never be the same. I know the gospel is true and that families are forever, but I was still struggling with the "Why?" of it all. I felt like I offended my Heavenly Father because of the thoughts I was having. I talked to my brother (who I'm so blessed to have) and he told me that it isn't wrong to feel sad. That was a relief, because I don't think I've been sadder in my life. The swiftness and the finality of this all just seemed too much to bear.

As I was thinking on these things, a line from a Primary song the kids are singing this year popped in my head: " . . . and families can be sealed for eternity." I just sobbed when those words came into my head. I can't explain it. It just hurt very much, and I wasn't sure I could even come to church. Our Primary is rehearsing for the program, and the theme this year is "My Eternal Family." Every time I thought about the songs I'd have to lead, I would just break down. Finally, I just prayed that I would have the strength to go to Primary and get through it without breaking down. I felt that I'd be able to do it. Well, even though I didn't feel good this morning (more tummy issues), I got up and went to church. We went through the program and I didn't break down once. In fact, the songs strengthened me. I felt very close to Heavenly Father and to all of my family. I felt that everyone would be taken care of and that eternity isn't as far away as I thought. I'm so grateful to have the gospel and the knowledge that we can be forever families. I've felt Heavenly Father's love so strongly in the past few days. I feel our families will be blessed through this tragedy.

Here is Doug's obituary . . . it's perfect. It says more than I could ever say about him. Doug was so full of life.

Here's a video that Laura found of Doug on his work's website. I really liked seeing this, because it shows his smile and the twinkle in his eyes the way a picture never could.

Here's a link to a fund that was organized in Doug's honor by the bike club he founded.

An article about Doug and bike safety.

Please keep everyone in your prayers, especially on Tuesday, the day of the funeral. I know it will be hard on everyone, so if you can, pray.